Why I don’t trust `Shuffle mode` anymore


Everyone has it, whether its on your ifruit, blueberry, robot or laptop device.

Yes that’s right, good ol’ Shuffle mode. Whilst of course this mode offers many uses; allowing the user to simply relax as they listen to their favourite songs specially selected for them, it also has its faults.

Of course you must be thinking, what’s the problem? don’t you like the music in your music library? For the most part, yes I do. However, there really are some situations I think you will all agree where shuffle just doesn’t help the situation and here is a scenario that happened to me the other day:

I’m casually walking to the bus stop, I arrive in good time and equip myself with my trusty headphones attached to my favourite MP3 player oblivious of how it was about to later betray me. This is all fine, relaxing as I wait for the inevitably late bus until an elderly couple arrive. Enjoying their afternoon, they enter the bus shelter and stand behind me, out of the rain. As you can imagine, to the elderly couple they see the full embodiment of the teenager stereotype, standing in the bus shelter with music leaking from his headphones, hood up obscuring his face. Aware of this, I flash them a quick smile as I see them approach, just to reassure them that I’m not a psychopath who prays on the old and vulnerable (or whatever picture they have in their head) ,that the hood on my head is simply to shield myself from the rain and I do infact not belong to some violent street gang. A common misconception of course. Anyway, at this point, my music shuffled itself, just as I made eye contact with the gentleman and his wife to `Break a leg` from the dubstep, trance album that my friend had lent to me last summer.

This inspiring composition of sounds, sound effects and bass-y beats contains enthralling lyrics such as: “shut the f**k up man or I’ll beat the sh*t out of you.” A fantastic song really. This proceeded to leak from my headphones at what I can guess to be loud enough to have been heard judging from the elderly couple’s reaction. As they slowly backed into the opposite corner from me with a mixture of horror and despair as I frantically fumbled through my pockets to change the song. I might as well have had a boombox blasting out `Big Booty Bitches` or `Smack My Bitch up`; it didn’t matter now, it was already too late as all my previous efforts to appear like a normal human being had been destroyed as in their eyes I was now a social miscreant. I managed to change the song just in time for the bus to arrive, breathing a sigh of relief. This couldn’t get worse could it? no no…Wrong.

Stepping past the still-shocked couple onto the bus to buy a ticket, it appeared that the song that had been chosen next was: `I Just Had Sex` by The Lonely Island (don’t ask) Anyone not familiar with this song, here is a link to the music video, just so you understand what happened next: 

At this point, I remembered that I had taken my headphones off the top of my head to around my neck just in case a dialogue was to occur between myself and the bus driver. So as you can imagine the volume at which this played was drastically increased so that all of the passengers (also mainly elderly) and the ones stood behind me, stared judgingly as the song continued to play; `I wanna put another penis inside of herrrrr.` This as you can imagine was not really the attention I wanted, if any, and I quickly stumbled through the crowded compartment of the lower floor to the upstairs of the bus to hide muttering my apologies in true British fashion.

So this is why I don’t trust shuffle anymore, whether I am in public trying not to embarrass myself, trying to tell my girlfriend I love her (At which point it chose`The Penis Song` by Monty Python)  or simply having my friends round my house, it always manages to act as a saboteur regardless of the setting. Maybe it’s just me or perhaps a message from the beyond that I need to re-consider my music taste. Nah, can’t be that, my iPod is just a complete evil bastard.

This is what was on my mind today, hopefully you laughed at my misfortune and if you have any embarrassing shuffle experiences feel free to comment.

Remember: shuffle responsibly.